Things You Missed About Monica And Chandler’s Relationship In Friends
When most of us think of “Friends,” we probably think of the show’s most iconic couple: Ross and Rachel. But for many fans, Chandler and Monica ended up being the ultimate couple to come out of the show. Chandler and Monica were nothing more than friends for the first few seasons of “Friends.” However, while they were in London for Ross’s wedding, a drunken hookup set things in motion. What started as a one night stand quickly evolved into one of the most mature, loving, realistic relationships on the show.
Monica and Chandler began their relationship in secret on “Friends.” Once the rest of the gang found out, they went through the normal stages of a relationship: they had their first fight, they moved in together, they got engaged, they got married, they had kids, and they moved out of the city into the suburbs. If you loved Monica and Chandler as much as we did, you probably want to find out a bit more about their relationship. To that end, here are the things you never noticed about Monica and Chandler’s relationship.
There was a reason Monica and Chandler didn't seem like a potential couple at the beginning
After watching the entirety of “Friends,” it’s hard to imagine there was ever a time when Monica and Chandler weren’t in love. Once they get together at the end of Season 4, they suddenly seemed like they were always meant to be together. However, it turns out, the producers never considered them a potential couple during the first few seasons of “Friends.”
As producer David Crane told Today, “When we were originally conceiving the show, we actually thought that Monica and Joey might become a thing.” However, once the actors started working together, they realized that Matt LeBlanc and Courteney Cox didn’t have the right chemistry (via Comedy Central).
Nevertheless, producers didn’t come up with the idea of pairing up Monica and Chandler until years later. That’s why for the first few seasons, Monica and Chandler were written as good friends and nothing more.
There were a few little hints about Chandler and Monica's chemistry along the way
Even though the writers and producers of “Friends” had no intention of pairing up Monica and Chandler at the beginning of the show, a few little moments show that the two actors always had great chemistry. And looking back, fans have spotted some potential hints about their ultimate romance.
In the Season 2 episode “The One With Phoebe’s Husband,” fans got a glimpse into just how close the pair already were as friends. When Phoebe reveals Monica’s secret to the group, it turns out, Chandler already knew — and Monica knew about Chandler’s third nipple, too!
Then, in the Season 3 finale, fans got their first glimpse at the romantic chemistry between Monica and Chandler. While sunbathing at the beach, the pair started joking about the potential of a romantic relationship; Chandler asks Monica if she’d go out with him if he were the last guy on Earth. Even though Monica doesn’t seem particularly enthused, he cracks a joke, she smiles, and the chemistry sizzles!
Chandler learned to see Monica for more than her looks over the course of their relationship
One of the most endearing things about Monica and Chandler’s relationship on “Friends” is watching Chandler grow to learn about what real relationships are all about. It’s pretty clear that Monica does a lot to help him mature, too. In fact, at the characters’ first meeting, Chandler is shown to be incredibly shallow; when he first sees Monica, all he can focus on is her weight. When Monica overhears him talking about her size, she becomes determined to lose weight and get revenge. When Chandler sees her again, he’s suddenly attracted to her. Obviously, this is a problematic aspect of the show.
But one redeeming part of the Fat Monica storyline comes in “The One That Could Have Been.” In that episode, we see an alternate reality in which Monica never lost weight. Eventually, Chandler realizes his feelings for her — even though she’s not skinny. It’s nice to think that as Chandler matured over the course of the show, he became less fixated on superficial things like looks and learned to appreciate Monica for who she was as a person.
Monica and Chandler's mocking throughout Friends came from love
One thing that defines Monica and Chandler’s relationship on “Friends” is their tendency to tease and mock each other. Initially, this dynamic doesn’t seem to lend itself to a healthy relationship — but in the end, it becomes one of the foundational pillars of their partnership. In fact, their ability to tease each other actually shows just how much they care. We all remember when Chandler mocked Monica’s “beautiful guest room.” As The Take put it, “From the very beginning, Chandler openly mocks Monica’s neat-freak tendencies, her controlling nature, and her competitive streak. Monica jokes about Chandler’s lack of emotional maturity, his physical weakness, and his failures with other women.”
However, this teasing isn’t about putting the other person down — it’s about building a stronger connection. In fact, in 2020, dating coach Laurel House told Cosmopolitan, “When you roast each other’s quirks, you are effectively pointing out the little — sometimes ignored — sides to your personalities. Those quirks tend to be the things that you love the most about your partner.” So, it sounds like all of the teasing was actually giving us hints about what Chandler and Monica liked most about each other — could they be anymore adorable!?
Monica taught Chandler her intimate preferences before they even got together
Remember that hilarious scene when Monica taught Chandler about the seven erogenous zones? To be honest, it would be hard to forget the scene — in fact, it’s up there with Meg Ryan’s famous scene in “When Harry Met Sally.” While the scene is not easy to forget, you may not have realized that Monica literally taught Chandler everything he knows about making love. After this scene, Kathy, who was Chandler’s girlfriend at the time, made a point of personally thanking Monica.
So, it follows that years later, when the pair finally got together, Chandler was able to give Monica her fantasy of the ideal intimate experience. No wonder she called it “the best sex she’d ever had” years later — she was his teacher, after all, so Chandler knew exactly what she wanted! Talk about a couple that is meant to be.
When Monica and Chandler got together, it was very different than Rachel and Ross
Monica and Chandler couldn’t be more different than their friends Ross and Rachel on “Friends.” While Ross and Rachel had a dramatic, tumultuous, public relationship, Monica and Chandler kept things private and quiet. Unlike Ross and Rachel, they never went on a break, they rarely got into shouting matches, and they had a relationship based on understanding and communication. Talk about total couple goals! As the producer Scott Silveri explained to Vulture, this new dynamic was very intentional. “Nobody wanted it to become the ‘Get Together and Break-Up’ show.”
Silveri also explained how they decided to get Monica and Chandler together. “With Monica and Chandler, we decided to roll out in a way that was a reaction to the last big relationship [the show] had,” he revealed. The relationship between Ross and Rachel had “affected the six of them as much as the two of them,” Silveri said. So, Monica and Chandler were “not too heavy, not too soap opera, but also something surprising.” No wonder it felt so real and so refreshing.
Monica and Chandler's first hookup was actually a huge shock when it happened
Any fan of “Friends” already knows that it was a big shock when Monica and Chandler finally hooked up in London. However, few people know just how explosive the storyline was at the time. As one viewer, Saul Austerlitz, explained in Vanity Fair, the London episode was filmed three times in front of three different audiences. Apparently, the team was worried that fans would be upset at the pairing.
“Every ‘Friends’ staffer and crew member present in London would remember the roar of approval when Monica poked her head out from under the covers in Chandler’s hotel room,” Austerlitz wrote. “The cheers and hoots of delight went on and on, drowning out the performers and shaking the room.” In other words, the couple was a surprising hit with the fans. Apparently, the editors had to cut roughly a minute of audience cheering from the episode to keep things moving.
Monica and Chandler remind us that you often find love when you least expect it
One of the sweetest things about Monica and Chandler on “Friends” was the fact that neither of them were expecting to fall in love. Even when they first hooked up, they were adamant that they would not continue the relationship once they got back from London. Of course, they did, but this all just goes to show that love can sometimes take you by surprise. As Bunow put it, Monica and Chandler fell in love “with each other, but it ultimately happened and they brought out the best in each other.”
It turns out, this old saying is actually proved to be true. As Andrea Syrtash, author of “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing)” told HuffPost, “So many of us get tied to our paper checklists and sometimes overlook great matches who don’t add up on them.” Of course, both Monica and Chandler had their preconceived ideas of what the perfect partner would look like, so they had never really considered the other as a romantic option. However, when they finally got together everything suddenly fell into place and it was clear that they were actually perfect for each other.
Monica and Chandler never struggled to go from friends to lovers
When you first watched Monica and Chandler get together in “Friends,” you were probably too caught up in the excitement to realize this crucial point: Monica and Chandler never seemed to struggle transitioning from friends to lovers. In fact, it all felt completely natural.
This is pretty interesting considering the fact that Rachel and Joey later tried to get together and found it pretty difficult to see each other romantically after so many years of a platonic relationship. It kind of makes us think that Monica and Chandler always had a secret flame for each other the whole time!
Bustle also took note of this easy transition, writing, “Getting together with your friend can often be a one-way ticket to Awkwardville, and more often than not it ends with miscommunications, hurt feelings, and potentially a ruined group dynamic. … Being that rare couple that can make it work is proof of a genuine connection.”
Monica's proposal to Chandler was way ahead of its time
Few moments in “Friends” history were more adorable than Monica’s beautiful, teary proposal to Chandler in her living room. As she famously said through her tears, “There’s a reason girls don’t do this.” And there was a lot more truth in this than you may have initially realized, as women really didn’t propose to men back in the ’90s. In fact, they still don’t get down on one knee all that often. According to the editor of The Knot, roughly 97% of proposals in heterosexual relationships are done by the man (via The Atlantic).
In 2021, women proposing has become a little more popular. As Brides reported, attitudes are changing and some women are taking the plunge and proposing. However, there’s still a long way to go before it’s completely normalized. Considering the fact that Monica’s proposal came more than 20 years before this trend, we have to say, she was way ahead of her time.
Once Monica and Chandler got married, their relationship actually got stronger
After Monica and Chandler tied the knot in “Friends,” some fans might have felt that the couple got a little boring and a little domestic. However, for viewers who watch carefully, Monica and Chandler’s relationship continued to develop and strengthen even after they walk down the aisle.
As Vanity Fair pointed out, the pair still had to navigate ups and downs as a couple, but they became stronger and stronger as they compromised. Chandler loses the wedding photos, Monica opens the wedding gifts without him, and they “call it even.” And, when Monica thinks Chandler has a shark fetish, she tries to incorporate this into their intimate life. As Vanity Fair put it, “They are willing to go out on a ledge for each other.”
While this type of relationship drama may not be as passionate or as exciting as their initial secret affair, the portrayal of Monica and Chandler’s married life shows us that the couple continued to work through issues and misunderstandings — and got stronger every time.
Monica and Chandler put the work into their relationship and it showed
There were plenty of times in Monica and Chandler’s relationship on “Friends” when it might have been easier to give up. After all, Chandler had a history of struggling with commitment before he got together with Monica. However, this couple clearly knew that sticking with it would be worth it in the end. And they certainly put the work in when it came to making the relationship work. As Bustle put it, “They didn’t let the little things drive them apart or big things stand in their way.”
A great example is Monica and Chandler’s first fight. Chandler, who has never fought for a relationship, assumes that their fight means that they will break up. But, as Monica says, “If you give up every time you have a fight with someone, you’d never be with anyone longer than … oh!”
Of course, the relationship also helps Monica to learn to be in a long term relationship, too. For instance, she has to learn to make compromises about having Chandler’s furniture in the apartment when he moves in. We love how grown-up this relationship is and how it really teaches us about how relationships are always about putting in the work.
Monica and Chandler's adoption plot line was potentially mishandled
If you watched “Friends” when you were younger, you may not have realized just how important the adoption plot line was. In fact, you may have just been happy to see that Monica and Chandler were finally getting their dream of having kids.
However, the entire plot line may have been somewhat mishandled. After all, adoption isn’t actually all that easy. Usually, it takes between two to seven years, as noted by the Adoption Network. For other parents watching “Friends,” this portrayal of adoption may have actually been quite difficult to watch. So, even though the show did try to incorporate some serious issues like infertility, it didn’t always do them justice.
As Vanity Fair explained, by turning the focus to the grown-up issue of infertility and adoption, Monica and Chandler helped “Friends” grow up, too. However, at the end of the day, “Friends” was all about delivering happy endings, and the adoption plot line was no different.
Monica and Chandler would have had a very different life after Friends ended
It’s hard to imagine Monica and Chandler living anywhere but the famous purple apartment in New York City. However, as fans of “Friends” know, the couple move to a house in the suburbs in the final episode.
Naturally, this move would mean a big change for the couple. In fact, their lives and their relationship probably changed a whole lot after the show’s finale. Entertainment Weekly made a guess about how things ended for them: “They’re loving their life in the suburbs, where Monica has opened a small cafe and Chandler has been a stay-at-home dad.” Of course, Joey would still be a frequent house guest.
Even though Monica and Chandler’s family life was probably a happy one, things would change. They’d probably spend less time drinking coffee and more time commuting, doing housework, gardening, driving the kids to soccer practice, and generally just being busy parents. It’s kind of sad, but their lifestyle as seen on “Friends” had to end sometime.
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