Vicky Pattison breaks down in tears at fertility clinic in emotional post
Vicky Pattison broke down in tears as she opened up about her recent visit to a fertility clinic.
The former Geordie Shore star, 31, posted a picture of herself while she was crying as she admitted that she might not ever be a mum.
In the emotional post, Vicky, who is dating Ercan Ramadan, said she was angry with herself for her wild partying during her younger years, as she's now fearful they will stop her from having a baby.
She wrote: "This is a picture of me the morning that I had to collect my results from the fertility clinic. I am usually quite a strong, together woman- but on that morning I felt like a scared little girl.
"Tormented by the possibility that my childish decisions over the years may have stopped me from being able to have a baby."
The reality TV star, who recently said she was freezing her eggs, admitted she'd only recent started wanting to become a mum.
She continued: "Until recently motherhood has not been something that I considered- it wasn’t a role I wanted to play.
"But since turning 30 & almost getting married- since feeling like I was maturing as a person the desire to become a mother is something that has grown inside me & even though my circumstances changed- I couldn’t turn off that feeling.
"Something has awoken inside of me & it’s impossible to ignore."
Vicky admitted she'd "lived a life of excess" and "hated herself" for taking chances with her health during her stint on Geordie Shore.
She added: "I’ve s*** dropped & down jäger all over the world for people’s viewing pleasure & I have never once considered the ramifications of my lifestyle long term & in this moment, when this picture was taken- I hated myself, for being selfish, reckless & lacking the maturity to see that I could be causing great emotional distress for myself in the future.
"In this moment, I was all too aware of the possible consequences."
Vicky confessed that the trip to the fertility clinic had been the wake up call she needed.
She said: "Since getting my results I have endeavoured to live a healthier lifestyle, sure I still like a drink here & there- I’m not completely turning my back on gin- but this experience was a wake up call.
"If I want to have children I need to start looking after myself so I’ve been trying to sleep better (unsuccessfully so far but I’m working on it) eat well & be more active..
"It might look like I’ve been a proper work shy toerag this last month doing yoga in Bali & hiking in cyprus but quite frankly I’ve been trying to come to terms with the changes I need to make in my life.
"I don’t know for definite if motherhood is in my stars- I’d like it to be but we’ll just have to see- but what I do know is that beating myself up over my past won’t help me conceive.
"So I am going to stop & take control of my present & project positivity for my future."
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