I discovered my wife's affair when I caught her kissing our neighbour on CCTV
DEAR DEIDRE: MY cheating wife is like a female Matt Hancock.
Last month I caught her on our security camera kissing our next-door neighbour.
I’d been hearing noises in the night sometimes and was worried burglars might be sizing up our property.
But when I checked the footage from the camera on the side of our house, I discovered something worse.
Seeing my wife in my neighbour’s arms felt like someone had stabbed me through the heart.
When I calmed down, I confronted my wife. But rather than apologising for what had happened and begging me to forgive her — which is what I expected — she told me she is in love with the neighbour and wants to leave me.
She said she was drunk the night I caught her cheating but admitted that was not the first time they had been together.
It turns out this has been going on for months. He’s married too and I thought we were all good friends.
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She’s blamed me for the affair, saying I’m not the man she married and that I don’t make her feel attractive or loved any more. I am so confused. Before this, I believed our relationship was happy.
We’ve been married for seven years, together for ten. I’m 34 and she’s 33. I still love her and don’t know what to do. His wife is also devastated, and they have two young children together.
I feel lost and can’t eat or sleep. Since it happened I’ve lost more than a stone in weight.
I think my heart has shattered and I don’t know how I can carry on. I’m too humiliated to talk to anyone.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Blaming you for her cheating is a way of deflecting attention away from her own behaviour and guilt.
This is not your fault. Please lean on your family and friends for support.
Relationships require effort from both partners and if she was so unhappy, she should have talked to you and been honest. Try talking to her and asking if there is any way you can save your relationship by working on it together.
Some relationship counselling – alone or together – would help.
Contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960), which has online help available. But if she insists she wants to leave you, there is not much you can do to change her mind.
If that is the case, my support pack Mending A Broken Heart will help you cope and pick up the pieces of your life.
It sounds like you might be becoming depressed. Please see my support pack on Depression and speak to your doctor.
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