My mistress dumped me because I didn't go to her mum's funeral | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: MY mistress dumped me because I couldn’t go to her mother’s funeral.

I wanted to be there but it was logistically impossible, and she said that was a deal-breaker.

Now I feel angry, confused and depressed.

I love this woman and was about to leave my wife for her.

My lover and I met four years ago at a work event. I’m 44 and she’s 39.

My wife is 42 and we have been married for 18 years, with two teenage children.

Our marriage hasn’t been good for many years. So when I met my mistress, who was full of life and passion, my head was turned.

She gave me the intimacy I was missing and the romance I hadn’t experienced since my children were born.

More than that, I could talk to her. She was interested in me, my life, my dreams.

But she knew the deal from the start. She knew I wasn’t prepared to stop being a good dad.

And that meant my children sometimes had to come first, and I couldn’t always see her when she wanted me there.

A few months ago, we agreed it was time to tell my wife the truth.

I had started talking to lawyers to begin the divorce process. We had even talked about marriage, once my divorce was completed.

But then my lover’s mum died suddenly and this woman fell apart.

The funeral — almost 200 miles away — clashed with my son’s exams and I couldn’t go.

When she got home, she said it was over. I feel heartbroken.

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But throwing away our relationship will make her more unhappy.

Part of me wants to beg her to take me back and the other part thinks maybe I should stay with my wife and kids after all.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Grief can have a life-changing effect.

It’s possible that your mistress reassessed her life in the light of her mother’s death.

You expected her to wait for you, until you were ready. From her point of view, you have acted selfishly, even if not intentionally.

Talk to your lover. See if there’s a way to make the relationship work.
Offer her your support with her grief.

It may be that neither relationship is right. Perhaps you need some time alone to think things through.

It’s not fair simply to go back to your wife and pretend nothing has happened because you’ve lost your better offer.

You still won’t be happy and will probably end up having another affair. Think about what’s best for your children.


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Whatever you decide, I think you need counselling to work through your feelings.

My support pack about Counselling will show you where to go for help.

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