Passionate affair with my kids’ football coach has left my family heartbroken – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a passionate affair with a guy I met through my kids’ school while I was a governor.

He helps with football coaching as he used to play professionally. It ended when my younger son found a text from him.

My husband and boys are all heartbroken.

This man was separated from his wife but she has blamed me for everything, even though he has never been faithful.

I’m 45 and my husband is 47. We have been married for 20 years. Our boys are 17 and 15. My husband is a good man and we have a really good life.

But I can’t stop thinking about the other man, even though our affair ended six months ago.

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I resigned as a governor and we have not seen one another in that time. I reply to him when he texts and we still say we love each other.

He’s 49 and has been sleeping with another woman since we broke up. It eats into me, especially as he says he loves me.

But when I get strong and don’t text, he makes contact again and I can’t resist replying. He probably doesn’t trust me because I ended our affair, but he wasn’t happy in his marriage and I was.

Nobody knows I am still in contact with him. A couple of times I have said I was ready to be with him, but he turned around and said he needed time.

I don’t get it, as he said in the past he so badly wanted us to be together. I don’t understand what has changed when he still says he loves me.

If I choose my lover, I will lose my kids. I can’t live without them. They are my life and my husband is a much better man than my lover.

Why do I feel like this? My friends and family are beyond shocked at what I did. I have blamed myself more than anyone could.

I can’t sleep or concentrate. My life is a mess and I have been signed off sick from work. I can’t cope with the guilt and pain I have caused.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I am afraid it was never more than a fling for your lover. It is about power and sex for him, not anything like real love.

He says he wants to be with you in order to wind you in and backs off the second you say “OK”. He has already cheated on you, so don’t even think of going to him.

You have to stop contact once and for all. Go cold turkey and find the self-respect to send him packing.

Take control and admit to yourself that this guy is not going to make a commitment to you. He is a serial cheat who makes all the women in his life miserable.

Block him so he can’t make contact. My e-leaflet Torn Between Two Men? will help.

Your husband is hurt and angry but you are still together. He loves you so tell him you love him. But take a long look at your relationship.

What’s missing? Many long-term relationships become humdrum but you can put the sparkle back.

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