People reveal what they think of others who forgive partner's affairs

Should you stay with a cheater? People reveal what they really think of friends who forgive their partner’s affair – as the key signs of a straying spouse are revealed

  • Relationship and dating coach Louanne Ward asked followers about cheating
  • The question addressed whether taking back someone after cheating was ‘weak’
  • Plenty of people said it was unwise to stay and there would always be a ‘doubt’
  • Others said it was up to the individual themselves and they wouldn’t judge 

Poll

Would you judge someone who stayed with their cheating partner?

Would you judge someone who stayed with their cheating partner?

Now share your opinion

An Australian dating coach has polled the public about whether they would judge friends and family who forgave their partner after they cheated – and the results are split.

Relationship expert Louanne Ward posed the controversial question on her Facebook page She Said, He Said, asking whether it was considered ‘weak’ or ‘foolish’ to stay when a level of trust has been broken.

‘If you decide to stay with someone who cheated on you, do you think other people judge you?’ She wrote.

Some of the first responses suggested that judgement would come as second nature because people ‘outside’ of the relationship can’t imagine forgiving that person. 

Relationship expert Louanne Ward posed the controversial question on her Facebook page, asking whether it was considered ‘weak’ or ‘foolish’ to stay when a level of trust has been broken

Some of the first responses suggested that judgement would come as second nature because people ‘outside’ of the relationship can’t imagine forgiving that person (stock image)

‘I know people who have left as well as stayed but there are many different reasons why people stay. Some stay for their children, some because of the fear of being alone and even some stay for the money,’ one woman said.

‘So many people have opinions and judgements on the different reasons, but what most people don’t realise is that people make the decision because of where they are in life. It’s not right or wrong it just means that they still have things to work through.’

Another said she had been in this exact predicament and many of her loved ones put pressure on her to leave because she ‘deserved better’. 

‘I felt people judged me on being weak and foolish looking back but at the time I was so emotionally shattered I didn’t think too much about what they thought and surprised no one more than myself when I chose to stay,’ she said.

Others were more straightforward in their response: ‘To answer your question yes you would be both weak and foolish to stay with a cheater in your eyes and everyone else’s’.   

One man said that ‘most’ people were likely to judge because it’s a ‘default setting’ when it comes to hearing about people’s misfortunes. 

One man said that ‘most’ people were likely to judge because it’s a ‘default setting’ when it comes to hearing about people’s misfortunes (stock image)

A woman countered: ‘I would never judge anyone else, you never know what else they are dealing with’. 

Most agreed that it wasn’t the role of family and friends to judge but instead support the person who has been betrayed by a cheater, whether they choose to stay or not. 

Previously, Louanne narrowed down the three types of cheaters for FEMAIL. 

‘There are several different types of cheaters and infidelity comes in different ways, shapes and forms. The most common of these I’ve narrowed to three types of cheaters and the tell-tale signs can vary slightly,’ she said.

‘Are they a once off cheater? Are they a thrill of the chase, repeat offender? Or perhaps they are an accidental cheater.’

Ms Ward said most people feel for the ‘accidental cheater’ because ‘they have convinced themselves and anyone else that knows them that this is a very tough situation’. 

Key signs of an Accidental Cheater 

* Staying back at work more often 

* Travelling or going out more 

* Spending more time with the kids 

* Looking more animated on the phone

* Increased and suspicious social media use 

* Being manscaped or waxed to perfection 

* New clothes or lingerie that you haven’t seen on  

*  Talking about a new person at work or at golf before mentions of this person suddenly stop 

Key signs of the Once Off Cheater/Serial Cheater

Once Off Cheater:  

* They will tell you they love you a lot more but not show it 

* They will have moments of guilt and buy you unexpected gifts

* They will take you to nice places but the conversation is stifled 

* They put uncharacteristic distance down to being ‘stressed at work’ 

* They daydream a lot 

Serial Cheater:

* They are harder to detect because they have mastered their craft

* They go out of their way to tell you that their ex was insecure and that they have friends of the opposite sex 

* They get defensive when you ask about their night or who they were with 

* They will confess their undying love for you and in the same breath suggest you get help as you are ruining the relationship with your insecurities 

* They use lines like ‘why are you being so insecure all of a sudden?’ 

The one-off cheater had a momentary lapse in judgement while away from their partner, and feel incredibly guilty about it.

These people might buy you unexpected gifts or seem more distant when spending time with you even if you are spending more time than usual together.  

‘Often, they will make plans to go somewhere nice but when you get there the conversation is stifled,’ Louanne said. 

‘You ask what’s wrong and they say “nothing, I’ve never been happier”. 

But if a cheater gets away with their behaviour more than once they can become a serial cheater.

‘If a cheater gets away with cheating, the thrill of this can become exciting. Which is why, “once off cheaters” often become serial offenders. So, it’s very important to look for the telltale signs,’ Louanne said. 

‘This type of cheater is a repeat offender and will continue to cheat again and again as they love the thrill of it. 

‘Getting away with the crime gives them the power fix they desire as typically they have a narcissistic personality.’   

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