My sister is being SCAMMED by her drug addict daughter

DEAR JANE: My sister is being SCAMMED by her drug addict daughter… how do I tell her my niece is a manipulative thief?

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Dear Jane,

I am at a loss for what to do.

My niece, who is 39, went to California for drug rehab two years ago. Before that happened, I’d stopped speaking to her because she was always calling me to beg for money – and had even stolen from me in the past. 

I stopped giving her money years ago because I refuse to enable her habit.

Now, my sister keeps telling me how well she’s doing; she still believes in her daughter, even though she went into serious debt trying to help her overcome her addiction. 

Now my sister has been laid off but is still continuing to support her daughter financially.

Dear Jane, my sister is unknowingly being taken advantage of by her own daughter – who has a history of drug addiction and criminal activity, and is now stealing from her mom 

Yesterday, I Googled my niece and found out that she’s been arrested at least three times in California since she left rehab. She currently has a pending trial for identity theft and was arrested for burglary. 

I don’t know how to tell my sister about all or this – or if I even should – because she always finds excuses for her. 

Best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

But surely she deserves to know that she’s basically bankrupting herself in order to support someone who clearly has no intention of changing her ways?

Any suggestions on how to approach this?

From,

Concerned Sister

Dear Concerned Sister,

The terrible thing about having a family member struggling with addiction, is the amount of enabling we often do without realizing it. 

Your sister loves her daughter, and imagine how hard it must be as a parent to deal with a child who is struggling so much with a substance use disorder, and the chaos that repeatedly and persistently comes with that.

Continuing to support her daughter is enabling her continued unhealthy behavior, and I do think you have a duty to let your sister know. 

Unfortunately, so often it is the messenger who gets shot in these situations. Rather than telling your sister what you have found out, perhaps suggest that your sister Google her daughter to ensure she is no longer getting into trouble. 

I imagine this will pique her interest, and she will have her answer without you having to be the messenger.

It may not change anything, but you will have a clear conscience. 

Ultimately, it is your niece who will have to make the decision to change her ways and commit to her recovery, and often people don’t change anything until they hit rock bottom, which her mother’s well-intentioned support appears to be hindering her from doing. 

But they both have to work it out between themselves, and once you have suggested your sister Google, you need to step away and let the chips fall where they may.

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